Friday, December 30, 2011

Finger Paints

Asher has never been able to watch much television at home.  I tried to make it to the 2 year mark before he was allowed to watch any, but I am embarrassed to say I didn't make it.  I think it was a fussy-mom-is-going-crazy-day that did it.  I'm not even sure the age that this first occured.  So, we've made a compromise with a 1/2 hour TV limit with an attempt for no TV most days.  This is made much easier since we don't have cable and wouldn't you know that I can't find Seasame Street on Hulu?

Recently he had started to ask (and then get mad when I said "no") to watch more TV so I knew something was missing in our days. He seemed to me to need a few more structured activities/optoins in the afternoons so I started to look for things we could do at his relatively young age.  It seemed that he wasn't quite big enough for the toddler activities you can find everywhere.  I was willing to try the fingerpaints but I didn't want him putting the store-bought stuff in his mouth.  They have to use some ingredient that will keep that stuff stable on the shelf for years, right?

So I found this on a blog called Easie Peasie.

3 Tbsp Sugar
1/2 tsp salt
1/2 cup corn starch
2 cups water
Food coloring

Mix in a sucepan and heat (around medium) until mixture thickens to your desired consistency.  Cool, then add colors.

I wish I had a better camera and better camera skills, but alas, I do not.  

I got a bit anxious and after a few minutes increased the heat which caused the paint to thicken up too quickly.  I just added some more water until I was happy with the consistency.  Also, be aware that this stuff will in fact be very hot and it does take some time to cool. 

We put a drop cloth on the table but he made three pictures at this session without making a big mess OR attempting to taste it.  He must be getting to be a big boy!

Thursday, December 29, 2011

19 Months

I can't believe 19 months has passed, yet I say that at every age milestone.  I can't believe that we are at the point where I can remember last Christmas with a child, and that I'm looking forward to our next Christmas with two.

I like to say that every age is my favorite.  Yet this month has been an exceptional one.  This is due mainly to the explosion of words our Little Man is experiencing.  It seems that he will try to say anything that we say and new words are literally coming out every day.  I have been most impressed with Daddy teaching him the difference between "blue" and "brown".  My favorite word in his vocabulary is "Ash" which is his way of saying his name.  He will point to a present and ask "Ash?" or he will show you momma's milk and then point to his own, "Ash?".  I just can't believe we are here already. 

He is still in love with any type of car and really in love with trucks.  I brought one of his two hand-me-down plastic cars (normally known as Cozy Coupes) inside a couple of weeks ago to give him something else to do inside.  It doesn't look as big as I thought in our house and he gets a ton of use out of it.  I have been sensing that he is getting bored with his toys but knew Christmas was coming so I was trying to hold off finding him new ones.

Coloring with crayons is also a big activity.  He has seemed to finally "get it" and enjoy it this month.  The cardboard container that crayons come in lasted all of 2 seconds and we found a little open topped box he can access on his own.  I love that you can print out coloring book pages off the internet as the coloring books in major stores seem so expensive to me. 

My MIL showed us his "sticker book" last night and I had to fight back the proud mom tears (pregnancy does NOT help in this matter).  Looking throught the finished book he had placed every sticker on each available page.  He had put the apples in the trees, and on one page an upside down cow was grouped together with other animal friends.  So of course now I will need to buy at least a dozen of these said books and one day I will pull them out to show his not-very-impressed fiance. :) One day when they have kids of their own she will understand.

My favorite part of this season has been preparing for Christmas.  While he didn't enjoy it we got to make handprint ornaments this year.  Something I thought of last year but wasn't brave enough to attempt.  He DID greatly enjoy helping to make bird seed ornaments found here.  I made them in Christmas tree cookie cutters but my favorites are the lumps of birdseed on a string because Asher actually made them himself.  I came behind and smushed them together a bit so they wouldn't fall apart but they are actually his.  I also love our wrapping paper this year.  In an attempt to wrap while he was around I got out old paper shopping bags and wrapped gifts with that.  Then I handed over the gift with his bucket of crayons and let him go to work.  He loved it.

He has gone from not being able to stay in his MOPPETs room at MOPs to almost not crying when I leave and not crying at all when I pick him up.  His favorite toy there? The slide!

I am learning more and more that structure and routine DO go a long way and I am excited to be able to incorporate this more when I start staying home.

I love our non-stop, busy, inquisitive little man!

Thursday, December 22, 2011

My New Calendar!

So I know YOU might not be excited about this, but I sure am!  Just in time for the old calendar to hit the trash can my new one has arrived.  Well, my new one was created and I will never have to toss this one in the trash.  Even better.

I was inspired at the beginning of the month by my creative friend Laura.  You can read her blogs here and here.  She has a giant dry erase board with not one, but TWO months of family calendar.  I fell in love.  I warned her I was going to have to steal her idea.  Well Laura, I did.

I found the boards at Hobby Lobby. Actually, it was the 2nd Hobby Lobby I had gone to in my quest to make this Christmas gift.  (Side note: this never came to fruition as I NEVER found the vinyl decals!!! Sigh)

Anywho, I found two seperate boards which I was stoked to find as I loved Laura's idea but I like to be able to schedule the month ahead as well and with one board I knew that wouldn't be possible every other month.  I could switch the boards out somehow so I could always be rotating them.

After on failed evening of trying to create calendar lines with a dry erase marker and a too-short ruler the hubby took over (yes!). He even did CALCULATIONS to make the squares super even.  I was impressed!  He was even smart enough to do it in permanent marker so that I wouldn't have to redo this every month.  He's the brains of this operation.

And he left enough space at the bottom so that I could include notes and we decided to start a monthly memory verse, so that will go there also.

To attach to the wall Brad brought home some industrial velcro from work.  I'm sure that there is similar stuff at the craft or hardware store.  I just put two pieces on the top of both boards so I could easily switch them out and not have to find the hooks like you do when hanging a picture.  I hate that!

And we are all set for January (minus the memory verse, I have been looking for a good one!)  Leave it to me to be so excited about a calendar.  I was so happy to find a solution to our yearly calendar and so tickled by the awesome help from Brad that I had to share!

Sunday, December 18, 2011

A December Whirlwind

I'm not normally a crazy Christmas Season person.  I like to order 99% of my gifts online, and normally all the weekend of Thanksgiving.  I like to wrap them throughout the month and have my Christmas cards out the 1st week of December. 

Not this year.

Even with the cancellation of two Christmas parties this weekend due to a child with a cold (who is doing quite well actually and sleeping pretty well considering) I feel like I've been hit by a truck.  This weird pregnancy is not helping.  I think this is God's way of giving me empathy towards other pregnant moms.  I now understnad headaches, nasuea, and exhaustion.  I can't seem to drink enough water, get to the gym, or stop eating candy.  Sigh. It could always be worse, right? Yes, yes it most definitely could be worse!

What has drained all three of us this week has been such a BLESSING from God!! Brad, who has been diligently searching, applying, and interviewing received and accepted an amazing job offer this week! We got word on Monday that they would be offering him the job, but paperwork needed "approved".  I was dubious. Was this like the interview to Boston needed "approved"? Because as we all know that didn't work out too well.  So after no word Tuesday, then Wednesday I felt that little stab of disspointment creep in. 

However, God is good and not only did he recieve that wonderful offer on Thursday, they offered more than he asked for and already has over 3 weeks of vacation next year! As Brad would say: "What the what??".  Ready for more awesome news? He already had a week of vacation approved for Christmas, and he starts the new job on the 3rd, so you can do the math.

We are oh so thankful and we know who orchestrated all of this.  We also made the decision that starting in April, I will return to be a stay-at-home mom (even though I am nervous) and Brad will continue to commute for now.  The job is still in Columbus but father north than his old job so we will see how that effects the drive.

We continue to go back and forth on moving back to Columbus.  The pros and cons list seem to be 50/50.  The biggest thing we would miss would be the sense of community here in Mansfield.  We will continue to pray and see where God takes us.  If someone shows up on our doorstop and offers twice what we paid for the house, that might be a good indication.  That could happen, right?

Friday, December 9, 2011

To work or not to work.

There are still lots of variables to take into accout yet, and we are still 4 (okay, 4.5) months away from baby #2, but I am in a dilema whether to go back to work or not.

Yes, I know, don't get upset.  I know so many women who would give there right fingerpainting finger to stay at home.  There are some days that I would too. 

I DID stay home.  The first nine months of our little man's existence I spent at home.  I didn't do so well, as you can read about in this post.  I also explained how I have changed my circumstances and I'm not so set up for failure with this one. And while I found a job to try to get out of the house a bit, it turns out that at the moment the income sure is nice for my family.

The  problem here is that I LIKE my job, borderline love but I'm not saying that.  If you've ever worked the 1st or 3rd at a bank you too would understand this. I like my coworkers, my boss, the actual entire company.  I don't make a lot of money but I make enough to help my family.

I work three days a week.  My MIL watches Asher and I even get to see him on my lunch hour since she is so close.  How awesome is that?

The problem is that three days a week often feels like a lot.  I know, I know, my mom worked full time, my MIL worked full time- I'm not saying anything is wrong with that.  However in our case I have never become fully comfortable with that much time away.  Everytime I am dropping things (not the child) trying to get out the door I think "why am I doing this?".  When we have to miss our monthly playdate I enjoyed attending, or when I have to go to work on Moday after a busy weekend, or when I am so exhausted after working the drive-through Thursday AND Friday on the 1st AND the 3rd that I can't fix dinner or even play with my child, I feel like something is wrong. 

Then my two days off during the week are spent trying to catch-up on housework with play breaks and driving everywhere to keep appointments.  I wanted to go visit a friend in Columbus next week, but I have appoinments scheduled on both days, how's that going to work?

I don't want to make this seem like I am complaining, I know I have it pretty darn good.  I am just in a dilema and somedays the answer to this is clearer than others.  I pray that God would let me see the solution clearly and I would prefer that answer to come before maternity leave.  In the meantime I will enjoy being at work and home and thank God for that time at both.

Tuesday, December 6, 2011

Now serving...

Yesterday I had the wonderful opportunity to have dinner out with my husband (Thanks, Mom!).  Over dinner I was telling him a story of how Asher tried to help me with "Kitty" (a stray cat we have taken in temporarily trying to find her owner/a new owner) by taking her water dish from the floor and moving it to the counter.  Luckily my mom saw that one while my back was turned and we avoided a soaked toddler.

My husband laughed and mentioned how much our child likes to help, and man, does he ever.  One of the most fun things about this age is that I get to see bits of his personality come through and helping is a big part of his.  I have wondered many times if this heart for service is something that is a part of his personality that will continue to be there throughout the years.  I hope so.  I also hope I can help nuture that.

Which brings me to the topic of service.  I am a huge believer that when raising children I have to be the example.  If I want them to be reading the Bible on a daily basis, I have to be in the Word on a daily basis.  If I want them to treat others in a kind, loving manner they have to see it in me first.  If I don't want their lives to revolve around television, they can't see that mine does.  You get the point.

Then we get to serving others.  I can see God in Asher's desire to serve because I don't serve.  I think that by wanting to nuture this in Asher, I am going to have to go out of my comfort zone and grow as well.  Sure I do a few volunteer days throughout the year when one is offered through work or church, we take part in the Operation Christmas Child (the shoeboxes), we give at church.  But I am persoanlly convivted that I do not do enough.  And more importantly, I think I do these things out of obligation only, not out of a heart's desire to show God's love to others. 

This is painful to admit because if you've read any of those "red" words in the Bible, (you know, those places where Jesus speaks?) you will not read long before you are being instructed to help the poor, the hungry, the needy.  Man, that hurts.  Jesus is telling me what he wants me to do and I am ignoring it.  Double ouch.

So, the decision has been made to serve.  Now I am praying for God to use me and man is it scary. I'm afraid I won't have time to commit(you know, more time away from Asher), that it will make me uncomfortable, that I have made this desire public and that I won't follow through with it.  I am also afraid that if we don't follow through that this wonderful heart for service in Asher will be lost.

Now to just find out where to begin...

Tuesday, November 29, 2011

A Few Sick Turkeys

This Thanksgiving was a rough one.

Despite the lovely family bonding and some excellent food, a Christmas tree purchased and twinkling in my front window, and some great time together just the 3 of us, a good portion of that time has been spent cleaning up bodily fluids.

Now, you may not want to hear about this, but
1) I want to remember this down the road
2) I have a medical background and this stuff doesn't bother me, and
3) I don't think I should only write about the sunshine and rainbows in our daily life.

I was super excited about this Thanksgiving and subsequent tree finding since our Little Man is big enough to eat anything on the table and it was a very warm weekend for the midwest in November.  I had plans to photograph all kinds of sweet family moments and then proceded to forget my camera.  Twice.  So I guess those pictures will have to burn themselves into my non-existent memory.

I'm not sure where we got it (I have a good theory) but all three of us have now been through a GI bug.  Watching your 18 month old vomit and feel horrible is something I wish he never has to endure again.  It ripped my heart out every time.

It has seemed like sickness has invaded our family since September and I'm growing tired of it. I didn't even need my full hand to count the number of sicknesses in the first 15 months of Asher's life and now it seems we are going for a record.  Sigh... I just hope this doesn't last all winter.

Wednesday, November 23, 2011

4 Years

Today is the day! We are celebrating 4 years of wedded bliss!

To celebrate I have scheduled Little Man's 18 month appt and the hubs will have to fight "The Night Before Thanksgiving Traffic from Columbus".  So he should be home in time for bed.  Good times!

Don't worry, we are low-key celebrators.  For our 1st anniversary we stayed at home and ate cake. Those of you going to exoctic warm places are missing out!

I loved our wedding.  I loved the people at our wedding.  We tried to get through all the boring stuff dinner, cake, garter so that we could be to the fun clebration and dancing part.  And boy did we! The hubs stayed up late the night before to memorize the steps to "The Cleveland Shuffle" a line dance of sorts (to rap music of course) that my friends and I were notorious for.  This is why we are soul mates.

For those of you that don't know me all that well or for that long, I LOVE dancing.  See that ball of white fabric on the dance floor? Yep, that's me. Maybe if you ask me nicely I will give you a sample, but I will have to think on that...

Monday, November 21, 2011


Before I met my husband, I was a compulsive worrier. 

I worried what everyone was doing, how they were doing it, and how that would effect me.  Siblings making pancakes? I had to make sure it was cleaned up.  Coworkers taking a table of 20? I would have to pick up the slack.  Husband going through his weekly cash? I had to make sure he had enough money to eat. Asher not eating his dinner? What if he wastes away to nothing, or worse, what if something is wrong with him?

After I met my husband, I met OTHER WORRIERS.  Lots of them.  And I keep on meeting them especially in my role as a mother.

This is where it has become a blessing. 

You know how the Bible has all kinds of diffenerent verses on now not to worry?:

Matthew 6:34  Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble.

Luke 12:25 And which of you by being anxious can add a single hour to his  span of life?

Proverbs 12:25 Anxiety in a man’s heart weighs him down, but a good word makes him glad.

Yeah, those.  I didn't listen to those.  Sure wehn I would hear them I would try to pray and give God my worries, but I just ended up thinking about them 5 minutes later.  I wasn't fully grasping the lesson.

Then I realized that worry is life-sucking.  That's right, I'm getting a little dramatic here.  Being around other worriers has made me realize that the act of worrying is draining.  And not just to the person worrying, to everyone around him or her (although, I think by nature it's mostly "her").  It is actually frustrating  to me to be around a serious worrier for a long time because I can actually see what that worry is doing to the person.  It is all-consuming, one worry leads to another, not relying on our Creator to take care of things. 

There is no comforting a serious worrier, nothing I can say or bring up that will dispell these worries and I don't like when I can't fix a problem.  Now, before you get all upset with me, remember? I already admitted I am/was a worrier.  I understand it's a constant battle to turn of that little voice in your head.  But man, does it open up a world of good if you can just TURN IT OFF (I can also tell you that it will drive your husband much less crazy!).

Someone making pancakes in the kitchen? If you clean it up, they never will learn to.  That table of 20? Not your table.  Hubby spending HIS OWN MONEY? Well, that's the point, he can pack a lunch.  Child not eating dinner? Is he happy, growing, pooping and peeing? You're golden.

So go out with someone who worries, and then listen to them.  How do you feel after being with them?  Do you want others to feel the same way or can you do your part to lift someone up instead?  I for one am thankful for the worriers, because I realized what it was doing to my family and that I no longer want to let that worry be in charge.

Thursday, November 17, 2011

18 Months

Man, 18 months goes fast. 

While playing in the attic recently (not a normal occurance, we are converting the office into a "Big Boy Room") Asher found his carrier carseat.  He tried to sit in it like a chair, and I was taken aback by how BIG he is!  That night while rocking at bedtime I realized how LONG he is.  I am amazed that I have somehow watched this happen!  I know they say you don't notice these things when you are around them every day, like a 30 pound weightloss, but this is a TON of growth.  I mean we have gone from 6 lbs. 15 oz to over 23 pounds.  Somebody do the math.

I also realize when Baby #2 gets here in April (let's be realistic, probably May) he is going to seem even bigger.

My little man, or now "Big Boy".  At 18 months he loves:

his version of hide and seek
visitors, or people for that matter
pizza, plain yogurt, grapes, cheese, oatmeal, toast, peas, carrots, pasta, oatmeal cookies
learning to drink out of a normal, no-lid cup
Billy! ("DEE!") and Emma!
he loves when daddy comes home
trucks and cars
books about trucks and cars
his pacifier when sleep (not sure when I'm gonna get rid of that...)
helping - unload the dishwaher, dust, vaccum...
cooking, he gets SO excited when his chair gets pushed up to the counter
eating all flour while baking...
running away from people when it's time to put on his coat
did I mention hide and seek???

I am in awe of him everyday and love watching his expressions when he is trying to figure things out.  He is growing up before my very eyes and I love to be a part of it.  He has molded me into a better woman.

Sunday, November 13, 2011

Too Much Mommy-Time

This week is a first in my journey of mommyhood.  I have had TOO MUCH mommy-time. 

Now, I know this is a problem many women in this world would like to have, and while I don't feel guilty about this week (see post here) I miss my little boy. 

I have never been a mom who can't stand to see my baby grow up.  Maybe in another 5 years I will change that sentiment but the best parenting advice I've ever gotten has come from my beloved stepdad: "Your job is in the beginning to take care of him 100% of the time and then get to the pont eventually where you take care of him 0% of the time"  This, and the fact that I love watching Asher grow, well, it just doesn't strike me as sad.

 But this week on the night of my second evening activity I left a bit early to make it home in time for bedtime.  Our normal routine is for daddy to give a bath, jammies, and teeth brushed.  Mommy gets to rock and sing baby to sleep.  I missed it on Tuesday and am so thankful that he will go to sleep with daddy, but I missed it. 

The older Asher has gotten the less time bedtime takes-I sing 2 songs then put him, awake, to bed.  I can tell he is eventually going to tire of it as some nights he can barely make it through the 2 songs before squirming aound only laying still when out of my arms and in his crib.  This is the only time of day that our son is "cuddly".  Sure he will give an unsolicited hug every so often, and he is patient with my constant loving on him, but this is the only time he will lay still and quiet and let me hold him.  Sometimes he will even let me run my fingers through his hair, but I know to stop after a couple of times before he will remove my fingers for me, like I said, he is pretty patient with me.

I was so happy I made it home intime for bedtime.  I am thankful to have gone through this week because now I know, for this life stage anyway, what is too much time away from home.

Wednesday, November 9, 2011

God's Timing.

Well, our "possible move" is out.  Brad (the hubby) was told on Friday this company was going to fly him out to the East Coast for an interview in a week - "call back Monday for the confirmation".  He called back Monday, twice.  He was told "I'll call you in 30 minutes".  He got a call the next afternoon.  Turns out this HR guy couldn't get the budget approved to fly him out (this hasn't happened before apparently) and they are going to look regionally.  Sigh.

We have been doing this for 17 months.  Trying to find a better job for Brad with more opportunity, and let's just face it, more pay.  We are SO thankful we both have jobs, but Brad's employer has been..... well... deceitful.  This job market IS tough. 

You would think that I, the woman who gave birth to a child 3 weeks and 1 day AFTER his due date would understand that God's timing is perfect.  However, this is one of those lessons that I know I am going to have to keep learning because I never get it for more than a day or two.

We were bummed about the way this worked out.  Truth is, we had both gotten very excited about the opportunites for Asher and the new baby on the East Coast.  We had both begun looking forward to living close to a big city again. Even though we said we weren't going to get excited.  How do you NOT?

I know God has a plan.  A friend of ours just sold her house after THREE YEARS on the market.  I joked with her yesterday that we are half way there.  So it can't be too much longer, right?

Sunday, November 6, 2011

Decisions at the kitchen table.

We spend a lot of time at the kitchen table.  Some days we actually get to sit around it 3 meals a day!  Since Asher has been born our mealtime is much shorter and often interrupted by a multitude of things: needing a napkin, more to drink, more to eat, or I usually forget something essential to the meal (gah! I forgot the forks AGAIN!).

My favorite part of mealtimes though is that dinnertime is the one time we get to pray together as a family, and we get to have conversations as a family often catching up on our day.  Well, the hubby and I have conversations, Asher normally doesn't give us more than an "uh-huh" or a sign for "more" at meals.

The past week the conversations have centered around a potential job for the hubby and a potential huge, life-changing move for our young little family.  We've been praying for a new job for Brad for the past 17 months and opened up our search out of state a year ago.  Lately though, when we have these discussions I often look at Asher and think about the fact that we are making these decisions that will in so many ways effect the rest of his life.

I know that Asher won't always think I am the greatest thing since sliced bread.  I know that eventually he will want to listen to his peers and not his parents.  I hope, however, that he will not resent this potential move in his later years.  Now, I have never heard any kid tell their parents "I wish you didn't move us so far away from our grandparents", or "I wish we didn't live in such a cool city AND be on the beach", but the first one gets me.  We know a total of one person where we would be going and they aren't family.  Brad and I have grown up in close proximity to our families, what would growing up have been without them?

I am leaning now only on God to make this decision.  I know that if it is His will, it will happen.  I'm just trying to make my family available for the call.  And maybe Asher's grandparents will want to retire to a different city...

Friday, November 4, 2011

Guilty as charged.

It has taken me a long time to adjust to being a parent.  I would say that I only felt fully transitioned two months ago (interesting as that is when my son finally started sleeping through the night).  I was a full-time stay at home mom for the 1st nine months of our son's life and through that time I battled not one, but TWO bouts of post-partum depression (does that count as post-partum if I went through it twice?). Both my hubby and my mom burnt throught many sick days trying to help me out. 

I know why this happened.  I am the oldest of 8 children.  I am 24 years older than the youngest, so I know babies.  I can change a diaper, put together a bottle, pop in a binkie, I'm not afraid to hold a newborn, I know what to do about diaper rash.  So I didn't bother to plan.  I am not from this area and didn't find the need to create relationships with women who I could call in a crisis.  I didn't look ahead to ways I could give myself a break.  I didn't find a way to become close with my MIL who only lives 10 minutes from my house.  I didn't think in general about even NEEDING a break.  And then add in no sleep - I was a wreck.  I have felt more guilt in the past 17 months of my life than I ever dreamt possible.  I felt guilty going out for 2 hours, guilty I couldn't revel in motherhood, guilty when I lost my temper, guilty when I couldn't look as nice as the other moms in church, guilty when I had hit the wall and my mom had to take the little man overnight to give me a break.

And then last weekend happened.  The hubs and I flew to Florida for a wedding.  It was two glorious days in which we ate our meals slowly, took our time strolling the beach, and the hubby could even have a couple of beers at the reception.  It rained almost the entire time, but we didn't care, we were parents on a break!  We only took Friday and Saturday as I didn't know if I could handle three days away.  By Friday evening I started to feel that ache in my heart and on Saturday I cried on the beach after I gave a sea urchin we found to a family with two children.  Why you ask? Because somehow these two school aged children running up to see what this stranger was showing their mother reminded me of the joy I could be experiencing with my son. Writing about it now makes me chuckle because if he were actually there we would have been pulling sand and shells from his mouth, not able to look for weird sea animals.  I was so worried that if our child was feeling even a fraction of what I was feeling I was sure he was miserable and crying for us constantly. We got in late Saturday night and I went to bed excitedly, anticipating the sheer joy on his face when he woke up in the morning to see his mommy!

Well, he woke up on Sunday his normal happy self and when I went in with a huge smile on my face and that sappy "reunion" music playing in my head, he looked right past me for Emma, my mom's little dog.  That's right, he was more interested in where his beloved Emma was than the fact that no, his mother didn't leave him to live forever with his Nana, and yes, she did love him.  Nope, he didn't care.  I got him up, changed his diaper and he still didn't care.  He wasn't clingy, he wasn't crying, he barely noticed that we were there.  And, I realized, that all this guilt I have been feeling was self-inflicted.  He is secure enough to spend two days with his Nana without having a meltdown.  He doesn't need his parents to have a good time and for that I am grateful.  I am grateful that so many people love this little boy and that they can love him even when I am beside myself with whining, and teething, and sleepless nights where I don't think I can be a mom anymore.  I am grateful to have learned this importnant lesson about guilt that it isn't necessary!  It is the work of the enemy trying to work his way into this little head of mine trying to tell me that I'm not good enough to be a mom.  The reality is that God MADE me a mom to this particular little boy. 

And next time, I'm taking that 3rd day!

Wednesday, November 2, 2011

There is a first time for everything.

Well, here I am. I'm starting a blog. It's a lot of pressure to start a blog. What if no one wants to read it? What if I go weeks without a new post? I am computer and english illiterate and a horrible speller. So why am I here? I have a 17 month old son, another child on the way and I have not written in a baby book since the 17 month old was *gasp* 10 months. If my mother knew about this, she would be sorely dissapointed.

It is my intent here to put these things in writing so that someday my children will have something other to read than some poorly kept-up baby books. And in the process maybe other family members can get a glimpse of our life as well. So here it goes, I guess there IS a first time for everything!