This Thanksgiving was a rough one.
Despite the lovely family bonding and some excellent food, a Christmas tree purchased and twinkling in my front window, and some great time together just the 3 of us, a good portion of that time has been spent cleaning up bodily fluids.
Now, you may not want to hear about this, but
1) I want to remember this down the road
2) I have a medical background and this stuff doesn't bother me, and
3) I don't think I should only write about the sunshine and rainbows in our daily life.
I was super excited about this Thanksgiving and subsequent tree finding since our Little Man is big enough to eat anything on the table and it was a very warm weekend for the midwest in November. I had plans to photograph all kinds of sweet family moments and then proceded to forget my camera. Twice. So I guess those pictures will have to burn themselves into my non-existent memory.
I'm not sure where we got it (I have a good theory) but all three of us have now been through a GI bug. Watching your 18 month old vomit and feel horrible is something I wish he never has to endure again. It ripped my heart out every time.
It has seemed like sickness has invaded our family since September and I'm growing tired of it. I didn't even need my full hand to count the number of sicknesses in the first 15 months of Asher's life and now it seems we are going for a record. Sigh... I just hope this doesn't last all winter.
Tuesday, November 29, 2011
Wednesday, November 23, 2011
4 Years
Today is the day! We are celebrating 4 years of wedded bliss!
I loved our wedding. I loved the people at our wedding. We tried to get through all the boring stuff dinner, cake, garter so that we could be to the fun clebration and dancing part. And boy did we! The hubs stayed up late the night before to memorize the steps to "The Cleveland Shuffle" a line dance of sorts (to rap music of course) that my friends and I were notorious for. This is why we are soul mates.
To celebrate I have scheduled Little Man's 18 month appt and the hubs will have to fight "The Night Before Thanksgiving Traffic from Columbus". So he should be home in time for bed. Good times!
Don't worry, we are low-key celebrators. For our 1st anniversary we stayed at home and ate cake. Those of you going to exoctic warm places are missing out!
For those of you that don't know me all that well or for that long, I LOVE dancing. See that ball of white fabric on the dance floor? Yep, that's me. Maybe if you ask me nicely I will give you a sample, but I will have to think on that...
Monday, November 21, 2011
Worry
Before I met my husband, I was a compulsive worrier.
I worried what everyone was doing, how they were doing it, and how that would effect me. Siblings making pancakes? I had to make sure it was cleaned up. Coworkers taking a table of 20? I would have to pick up the slack. Husband going through his weekly cash? I had to make sure he had enough money to eat. Asher not eating his dinner? What if he wastes away to nothing, or worse, what if something is wrong with him?
After I met my husband, I met OTHER WORRIERS. Lots of them. And I keep on meeting them especially in my role as a mother.
This is where it has become a blessing.
You know how the Bible has all kinds of diffenerent verses on now not to worry?:
Matthew 6:34 Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble.
Luke 12:25 And which of you by being anxious can add a single hour to his span of life?
Proverbs 12:25 Anxiety in a man’s heart weighs him down, but a good word makes him glad.
Yeah, those. I didn't listen to those. Sure wehn I would hear them I would try to pray and give God my worries, but I just ended up thinking about them 5 minutes later. I wasn't fully grasping the lesson.
Then I realized that worry is life-sucking. That's right, I'm getting a little dramatic here. Being around other worriers has made me realize that the act of worrying is draining. And not just to the person worrying, to everyone around him or her (although, I think by nature it's mostly "her"). It is actually frustrating to me to be around a serious worrier for a long time because I can actually see what that worry is doing to the person. It is all-consuming, one worry leads to another, not relying on our Creator to take care of things.
There is no comforting a serious worrier, nothing I can say or bring up that will dispell these worries and I don't like when I can't fix a problem. Now, before you get all upset with me, remember? I already admitted I am/was a worrier. I understand it's a constant battle to turn of that little voice in your head. But man, does it open up a world of good if you can just TURN IT OFF (I can also tell you that it will drive your husband much less crazy!).
Someone making pancakes in the kitchen? If you clean it up, they never will learn to. That table of 20? Not your table. Hubby spending HIS OWN MONEY? Well, that's the point, he can pack a lunch. Child not eating dinner? Is he happy, growing, pooping and peeing? You're golden.
So go out with someone who worries, and then listen to them. How do you feel after being with them? Do you want others to feel the same way or can you do your part to lift someone up instead? I for one am thankful for the worriers, because I realized what it was doing to my family and that I no longer want to let that worry be in charge.
I worried what everyone was doing, how they were doing it, and how that would effect me. Siblings making pancakes? I had to make sure it was cleaned up. Coworkers taking a table of 20? I would have to pick up the slack. Husband going through his weekly cash? I had to make sure he had enough money to eat. Asher not eating his dinner? What if he wastes away to nothing, or worse, what if something is wrong with him?
After I met my husband, I met OTHER WORRIERS. Lots of them. And I keep on meeting them especially in my role as a mother.
This is where it has become a blessing.
You know how the Bible has all kinds of diffenerent verses on now not to worry?:
Matthew 6:34 Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble.
Luke 12:25 And which of you by being anxious can add a single hour to his span of life?
Proverbs 12:25 Anxiety in a man’s heart weighs him down, but a good word makes him glad.
Yeah, those. I didn't listen to those. Sure wehn I would hear them I would try to pray and give God my worries, but I just ended up thinking about them 5 minutes later. I wasn't fully grasping the lesson.
Then I realized that worry is life-sucking. That's right, I'm getting a little dramatic here. Being around other worriers has made me realize that the act of worrying is draining. And not just to the person worrying, to everyone around him or her (although, I think by nature it's mostly "her"). It is actually frustrating to me to be around a serious worrier for a long time because I can actually see what that worry is doing to the person. It is all-consuming, one worry leads to another, not relying on our Creator to take care of things.
There is no comforting a serious worrier, nothing I can say or bring up that will dispell these worries and I don't like when I can't fix a problem. Now, before you get all upset with me, remember? I already admitted I am/was a worrier. I understand it's a constant battle to turn of that little voice in your head. But man, does it open up a world of good if you can just TURN IT OFF (I can also tell you that it will drive your husband much less crazy!).
Someone making pancakes in the kitchen? If you clean it up, they never will learn to. That table of 20? Not your table. Hubby spending HIS OWN MONEY? Well, that's the point, he can pack a lunch. Child not eating dinner? Is he happy, growing, pooping and peeing? You're golden.
So go out with someone who worries, and then listen to them. How do you feel after being with them? Do you want others to feel the same way or can you do your part to lift someone up instead? I for one am thankful for the worriers, because I realized what it was doing to my family and that I no longer want to let that worry be in charge.
Thursday, November 17, 2011
18 Months
Man, 18 months goes fast.
his version of hide and seek
While playing in the attic recently (not a normal occurance, we are converting the office into a "Big Boy Room") Asher found his carrier carseat. He tried to sit in it like a chair, and I was taken aback by how BIG he is! That night while rocking at bedtime I realized how LONG he is. I am amazed that I have somehow watched this happen! I know they say you don't notice these things when you are around them every day, like a 30 pound weightloss, but this is a TON of growth. I mean we have gone from 6 lbs. 15 oz to over 23 pounds. Somebody do the math.
I also realize when Baby #2 gets here in April (let's be realistic, probably May) he is going to seem even bigger.
My little man, or now "Big Boy". At 18 months he loves:
his version of hide and seek
visitors, or people for that matter
pizza, plain yogurt, grapes, cheese, oatmeal, toast, peas, carrots, pasta, oatmeal cookies
learning to drink out of a normal, no-lid cup
Billy! ("DEE!") and Emma!
he loves when daddy comes home
trucks and cars
books about trucks and cars
his pacifier when sleep (not sure when I'm gonna get rid of that...)
outside
helping - unload the dishwaher, dust, vaccum...
cooking, he gets SO excited when his chair gets pushed up to the counter
eating all flour while baking...
running away from people when it's time to put on his coat
did I mention hide and seek???
I am in awe of him everyday and love watching his expressions when he is trying to figure things out. He is growing up before my very eyes and I love to be a part of it. He has molded me into a better woman.
Sunday, November 13, 2011
Too Much Mommy-Time
This week is a first in my journey of mommyhood. I have had TOO MUCH mommy-time.
Now, I know this is a problem many women in this world would like to have, and while I don't feel guilty about this week (see post here) I miss my little boy.
I have never been a mom who can't stand to see my baby grow up. Maybe in another 5 years I will change that sentiment but the best parenting advice I've ever gotten has come from my beloved stepdad: "Your job is in the beginning to take care of him 100% of the time and then get to the pont eventually where you take care of him 0% of the time" This, and the fact that I love watching Asher grow, well, it just doesn't strike me as sad.
But this week on the night of my second evening activity I left a bit early to make it home in time for bedtime. Our normal routine is for daddy to give a bath, jammies, and teeth brushed. Mommy gets to rock and sing baby to sleep. I missed it on Tuesday and am so thankful that he will go to sleep with daddy, but I missed it.
The older Asher has gotten the less time bedtime takes-I sing 2 songs then put him, awake, to bed. I can tell he is eventually going to tire of it as some nights he can barely make it through the 2 songs before squirming aound only laying still when out of my arms and in his crib. This is the only time of day that our son is "cuddly". Sure he will give an unsolicited hug every so often, and he is patient with my constant loving on him, but this is the only time he will lay still and quiet and let me hold him. Sometimes he will even let me run my fingers through his hair, but I know to stop after a couple of times before he will remove my fingers for me, like I said, he is pretty patient with me.
I was so happy I made it home intime for bedtime. I am thankful to have gone through this week because now I know, for this life stage anyway, what is too much time away from home.
Now, I know this is a problem many women in this world would like to have, and while I don't feel guilty about this week (see post here) I miss my little boy.
I have never been a mom who can't stand to see my baby grow up. Maybe in another 5 years I will change that sentiment but the best parenting advice I've ever gotten has come from my beloved stepdad: "Your job is in the beginning to take care of him 100% of the time and then get to the pont eventually where you take care of him 0% of the time" This, and the fact that I love watching Asher grow, well, it just doesn't strike me as sad.
But this week on the night of my second evening activity I left a bit early to make it home in time for bedtime. Our normal routine is for daddy to give a bath, jammies, and teeth brushed. Mommy gets to rock and sing baby to sleep. I missed it on Tuesday and am so thankful that he will go to sleep with daddy, but I missed it.
The older Asher has gotten the less time bedtime takes-I sing 2 songs then put him, awake, to bed. I can tell he is eventually going to tire of it as some nights he can barely make it through the 2 songs before squirming aound only laying still when out of my arms and in his crib. This is the only time of day that our son is "cuddly". Sure he will give an unsolicited hug every so often, and he is patient with my constant loving on him, but this is the only time he will lay still and quiet and let me hold him. Sometimes he will even let me run my fingers through his hair, but I know to stop after a couple of times before he will remove my fingers for me, like I said, he is pretty patient with me.
I was so happy I made it home intime for bedtime. I am thankful to have gone through this week because now I know, for this life stage anyway, what is too much time away from home.
Wednesday, November 9, 2011
God's Timing.
Well, our "possible move" is out. Brad (the hubby) was told on Friday this company was going to fly him out to the East Coast for an interview in a week - "call back Monday for the confirmation". He called back Monday, twice. He was told "I'll call you in 30 minutes". He got a call the next afternoon. Turns out this HR guy couldn't get the budget approved to fly him out (this hasn't happened before apparently) and they are going to look regionally. Sigh.
We have been doing this for 17 months. Trying to find a better job for Brad with more opportunity, and let's just face it, more pay. We are SO thankful we both have jobs, but Brad's employer has been..... well... deceitful. This job market IS tough.
You would think that I, the woman who gave birth to a child 3 weeks and 1 day AFTER his due date would understand that God's timing is perfect. However, this is one of those lessons that I know I am going to have to keep learning because I never get it for more than a day or two.
We were bummed about the way this worked out. Truth is, we had both gotten very excited about the opportunites for Asher and the new baby on the East Coast. We had both begun looking forward to living close to a big city again. Even though we said we weren't going to get excited. How do you NOT?
I know God has a plan. A friend of ours just sold her house after THREE YEARS on the market. I joked with her yesterday that we are half way there. So it can't be too much longer, right?
We have been doing this for 17 months. Trying to find a better job for Brad with more opportunity, and let's just face it, more pay. We are SO thankful we both have jobs, but Brad's employer has been..... well... deceitful. This job market IS tough.
You would think that I, the woman who gave birth to a child 3 weeks and 1 day AFTER his due date would understand that God's timing is perfect. However, this is one of those lessons that I know I am going to have to keep learning because I never get it for more than a day or two.
We were bummed about the way this worked out. Truth is, we had both gotten very excited about the opportunites for Asher and the new baby on the East Coast. We had both begun looking forward to living close to a big city again. Even though we said we weren't going to get excited. How do you NOT?
I know God has a plan. A friend of ours just sold her house after THREE YEARS on the market. I joked with her yesterday that we are half way there. So it can't be too much longer, right?
Sunday, November 6, 2011
Decisions at the kitchen table.
We spend a lot of time at the kitchen table. Some days we actually get to sit around it 3 meals a day! Since Asher has been born our mealtime is much shorter and often interrupted by a multitude of things: needing a napkin, more to drink, more to eat, or I usually forget something essential to the meal (gah! I forgot the forks AGAIN!).
My favorite part of mealtimes though is that dinnertime is the one time we get to pray together as a family, and we get to have conversations as a family often catching up on our day. Well, the hubby and I have conversations, Asher normally doesn't give us more than an "uh-huh" or a sign for "more" at meals.
The past week the conversations have centered around a potential job for the hubby and a potential huge, life-changing move for our young little family. We've been praying for a new job for Brad for the past 17 months and opened up our search out of state a year ago. Lately though, when we have these discussions I often look at Asher and think about the fact that we are making these decisions that will in so many ways effect the rest of his life.
I know that Asher won't always think I am the greatest thing since sliced bread. I know that eventually he will want to listen to his peers and not his parents. I hope, however, that he will not resent this potential move in his later years. Now, I have never heard any kid tell their parents "I wish you didn't move us so far away from our grandparents", or "I wish we didn't live in such a cool city AND be on the beach", but the first one gets me. We know a total of one person where we would be going and they aren't family. Brad and I have grown up in close proximity to our families, what would growing up have been without them?
I am leaning now only on God to make this decision. I know that if it is His will, it will happen. I'm just trying to make my family available for the call. And maybe Asher's grandparents will want to retire to a different city...
My favorite part of mealtimes though is that dinnertime is the one time we get to pray together as a family, and we get to have conversations as a family often catching up on our day. Well, the hubby and I have conversations, Asher normally doesn't give us more than an "uh-huh" or a sign for "more" at meals.
The past week the conversations have centered around a potential job for the hubby and a potential huge, life-changing move for our young little family. We've been praying for a new job for Brad for the past 17 months and opened up our search out of state a year ago. Lately though, when we have these discussions I often look at Asher and think about the fact that we are making these decisions that will in so many ways effect the rest of his life.
I am leaning now only on God to make this decision. I know that if it is His will, it will happen. I'm just trying to make my family available for the call. And maybe Asher's grandparents will want to retire to a different city...
Friday, November 4, 2011
Guilty as charged.
It has taken me a long time to adjust to being a parent. I would say that I only felt fully transitioned two months ago (interesting as that is when my son finally started sleeping through the night). I was a full-time stay at home mom for the 1st nine months of our son's life and through that time I battled not one, but TWO bouts of post-partum depression (does that count as post-partum if I went through it twice?). Both my hubby and my mom burnt throught many sick days trying to help me out.
I know why this happened. I am the oldest of 8 children. I am 24 years older than the youngest, so I know babies. I can change a diaper, put together a bottle, pop in a binkie, I'm not afraid to hold a newborn, I know what to do about diaper rash. So I didn't bother to plan. I am not from this area and didn't find the need to create relationships with women who I could call in a crisis. I didn't look ahead to ways I could give myself a break. I didn't find a way to become close with my MIL who only lives 10 minutes from my house. I didn't think in general about even NEEDING a break. And then add in no sleep - I was a wreck. I have felt more guilt in the past 17 months of my life than I ever dreamt possible. I felt guilty going out for 2 hours, guilty I couldn't revel in motherhood, guilty when I lost my temper, guilty when I couldn't look as nice as the other moms in church, guilty when I had hit the wall and my mom had to take the little man overnight to give me a break.
And then last weekend happened. The hubs and I flew to Florida for a wedding. It was two glorious days in which we ate our meals slowly, took our time strolling the beach, and the hubby could even have a couple of beers at the reception. It rained almost the entire time, but we didn't care, we were parents on a break! We only took Friday and Saturday as I didn't know if I could handle three days away. By Friday evening I started to feel that ache in my heart and on Saturday I cried on the beach after I gave a sea urchin we found to a family with two children. Why you ask? Because somehow these two school aged children running up to see what this stranger was showing their mother reminded me of the joy I could be experiencing with my son. Writing about it now makes me chuckle because if he were actually there we would have been pulling sand and shells from his mouth, not able to look for weird sea animals. I was so worried that if our child was feeling even a fraction of what I was feeling I was sure he was miserable and crying for us constantly. We got in late Saturday night and I went to bed excitedly, anticipating the sheer joy on his face when he woke up in the morning to see his mommy!
Well, he woke up on Sunday his normal happy self and when I went in with a huge smile on my face and that sappy "reunion" music playing in my head, he looked right past me for Emma, my mom's little dog. That's right, he was more interested in where his beloved Emma was than the fact that no, his mother didn't leave him to live forever with his Nana, and yes, she did love him. Nope, he didn't care. I got him up, changed his diaper and he still didn't care. He wasn't clingy, he wasn't crying, he barely noticed that we were there. And, I realized, that all this guilt I have been feeling was self-inflicted. He is secure enough to spend two days with his Nana without having a meltdown. He doesn't need his parents to have a good time and for that I am grateful. I am grateful that so many people love this little boy and that they can love him even when I am beside myself with whining, and teething, and sleepless nights where I don't think I can be a mom anymore. I am grateful to have learned this importnant lesson about guilt that it isn't necessary! It is the work of the enemy trying to work his way into this little head of mine trying to tell me that I'm not good enough to be a mom. The reality is that God MADE me a mom to this particular little boy.
And next time, I'm taking that 3rd day!
I know why this happened. I am the oldest of 8 children. I am 24 years older than the youngest, so I know babies. I can change a diaper, put together a bottle, pop in a binkie, I'm not afraid to hold a newborn, I know what to do about diaper rash. So I didn't bother to plan. I am not from this area and didn't find the need to create relationships with women who I could call in a crisis. I didn't look ahead to ways I could give myself a break. I didn't find a way to become close with my MIL who only lives 10 minutes from my house. I didn't think in general about even NEEDING a break. And then add in no sleep - I was a wreck. I have felt more guilt in the past 17 months of my life than I ever dreamt possible. I felt guilty going out for 2 hours, guilty I couldn't revel in motherhood, guilty when I lost my temper, guilty when I couldn't look as nice as the other moms in church, guilty when I had hit the wall and my mom had to take the little man overnight to give me a break.
And then last weekend happened. The hubs and I flew to Florida for a wedding. It was two glorious days in which we ate our meals slowly, took our time strolling the beach, and the hubby could even have a couple of beers at the reception. It rained almost the entire time, but we didn't care, we were parents on a break! We only took Friday and Saturday as I didn't know if I could handle three days away. By Friday evening I started to feel that ache in my heart and on Saturday I cried on the beach after I gave a sea urchin we found to a family with two children. Why you ask? Because somehow these two school aged children running up to see what this stranger was showing their mother reminded me of the joy I could be experiencing with my son. Writing about it now makes me chuckle because if he were actually there we would have been pulling sand and shells from his mouth, not able to look for weird sea animals. I was so worried that if our child was feeling even a fraction of what I was feeling I was sure he was miserable and crying for us constantly. We got in late Saturday night and I went to bed excitedly, anticipating the sheer joy on his face when he woke up in the morning to see his mommy!
Well, he woke up on Sunday his normal happy self and when I went in with a huge smile on my face and that sappy "reunion" music playing in my head, he looked right past me for Emma, my mom's little dog. That's right, he was more interested in where his beloved Emma was than the fact that no, his mother didn't leave him to live forever with his Nana, and yes, she did love him. Nope, he didn't care. I got him up, changed his diaper and he still didn't care. He wasn't clingy, he wasn't crying, he barely noticed that we were there. And, I realized, that all this guilt I have been feeling was self-inflicted. He is secure enough to spend two days with his Nana without having a meltdown. He doesn't need his parents to have a good time and for that I am grateful. I am grateful that so many people love this little boy and that they can love him even when I am beside myself with whining, and teething, and sleepless nights where I don't think I can be a mom anymore. I am grateful to have learned this importnant lesson about guilt that it isn't necessary! It is the work of the enemy trying to work his way into this little head of mine trying to tell me that I'm not good enough to be a mom. The reality is that God MADE me a mom to this particular little boy.
And next time, I'm taking that 3rd day!
Wednesday, November 2, 2011
There is a first time for everything.
Well, here I am. I'm starting a blog. It's a lot of pressure to start a blog. What if no one wants to read it? What if I go weeks without a new post? I am computer and english illiterate and a horrible speller. So why am I here? I have a 17 month old son, another child on the way and I have not written in a baby book since the 17 month old was *gasp* 10 months. If my mother knew about this, she would be sorely dissapointed.
It is my intent here to put these things in writing so that someday my children will have something other to read than some poorly kept-up baby books. And in the process maybe other family members can get a glimpse of our life as well. So here it goes, I guess there IS a first time for everything!
It is my intent here to put these things in writing so that someday my children will have something other to read than some poorly kept-up baby books. And in the process maybe other family members can get a glimpse of our life as well. So here it goes, I guess there IS a first time for everything!
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