I remember how blissful pregnancy was with Asher. I took naps when I wanted, ate lots of salmon and spinach, and exercised at least three days a week.
Now I am in my third trimester with my second and a toddler and I am beat.
When I first became pregnant I was so excited that my little boy both decided to start sleeping through the night AND weaned himself from his last bedtime breastfeeding session. It was glorious. It took me weeks to be able to sleep through the night myself but I felt like a whole new woman. It had been some 15 months since I had been sleeping regularly. I had forgotten what I was actually like with sleep.
I stopped needing that powder and blush, I actually did my hair, and I attempted to put my contacts back in (that last one didn't work, pregnancy messes with my eyes a bit). I was social, looking for ways to serve others, coming up with fun things for a toddler to do, getting dressed everyday. It was awesome. Awesome I tell you. Four months of bliss.
Then this little thing called a 2-Year Molar knocked at the door. This was a month ago (I think, honestly, I think it's been longer, but I have lost track). And then a runny nose from the church nursery. Now we are back to getting up at least twice a night and this momma has hit the wall again. No, we don't do cry-it-out and no, I'm not going to start now. I wouldn't want to be left in a room to cry myself (loudly and frantically) to sleep, so I don't want to do that to my child. On top of that, I live in a 1930 all wood-floor home. There is no "quiet" place here.
I'm just venting, please excuse me.
So I have lost my time at night with my husband, my mommy-time in the morning. I haven't had a date in over a month, and besides MOPs haven't gotten out to do anything with other people. Luckily the weather has been extremely mild for this part of the country and we have been able to get outside quite frequently.
The problem is however, that I am due in 12 weeks with baby #2. I'm not quite sure that this was A) a good idea or B) this is going to work. I am not good without sleep. In fact, I'm pretty much a nightmare. I thought I would be a bit more rested and ready than this. I haven't gotten that "nesting" energy yet but have been extremely emotional about leaving my son to go to work. There is no "big boy" room set up, no closets have been cleaned out and I can barely keep the house presentable. I am what you call, stressed.
I just keep putting one foot in front of the other in hopes that I will not harm this baby with a third cup of coffee in the day or the lack of sleep. I have this irrational fear that if my body does all of it's repair during sleep that the baby won't grow without it either. I also keep hoping that if I just keep faking it, I won't pass out somewhere from exhaustion or my son won't grow up thinking that mommy is no fun and is cranky. Lord help me.
Yesterday at work I was told I was "getting fat" and several ladies asked me if I was feeling ok. Obviously I have some work to do in the faking it department. Although, I can tell you, there is no sucking-it-in that will help the fatness at this point!
So there you are, a cranky, sleepy, stressed out blog post from my week (or so) long blogging hiatus. Woohoo!
No comments:
Post a Comment