Saturday, May 12, 2012

An Honest Assessment

Well, here we are.  Two weeks in with two children under two. 

I haven't posted much on Facebook lately, and haven't done any blogging.  Part of the reason is that my normal morning "mommy-time" has been quite interrupted.

The other reason is that I know a LOT of first time mommas.  Many of those first time mommas are also thinking about having a second child, and I feel like many of them are watching me to see how it goes.

Now, I'm not so self-centered to think that my experience will affect the outcome of other parents having children.  However, I look at it like those awful stories women tell of childbirth.  I'd rather be encouraging and positive rather than freak another woman out.  And, if I am being honest (hello, notice the title of this post?) it hasn't been totally positive, at least in the second week.

I had a lot of help the first week.  My hubby stayed home through Wednesday, my mom was here those days and part of Thursday and Friday as well.  I STILL have not cooked dinner because so many wonderful people have brought us such awesome food.  That first Friday as a family of four was like hitting a wall with Asher and it turned into a rough weekend which turned into a rough week.

Without rehashing all the crappy details I will just sum it up with this: a newborn who has yet to want to even show signs of any type of getting himself on a schedule (that's OK, we don't put or babies on a schedule around here, I just thought Asher got on one a bit earlier), a toddler who decided after six days that he didn't really want this said newborn around anymore-nor did he want to sleep, a type-A anal mother who hadn't exactly gotten out of the house for a week-which in turn made her need for a clutter-free house even worse, a harsh reality check for two parents who had conveniently forgotten what sleep deprivation feels like.  Oh, and I almost forgot that lovely bout of mastitis (that I got rid of without antibiotics! yay!).

Yet, we are still here.  Still plugging along.  Micah is a great nurser, although I may have to give up my morning coffee.  He has such a calming energy and I admit that when I have felt overwhelmed with Asher holding Micah makes me feel so much less stressed.  He already will search for me when he hears my voice which is soooo heart-melting!  I am also quite amazed at what the second child will sleep through, which is anything and everything.  I laughed at the doctor at our first pediatrician appointment who suggested I may just have to wake him up during the day.  Yeah right guy, he sleeps through a toddlers excited squeals as he is dumping all of his marbles through the super loud marble maze, the dog barking, and the vacuum being swiped 2 inched form his bouncy chair.  Plus, haven't you ever heard NOT to wake a sleeping baby? This is why we go to the nurse practitioner, but I digress...

Asher is back to sleeping (most nights) and is actually coming around to being a brother again.  He has stopped referring to the baby's name as "Cry" and seemed legitimately concerned when the girls at the bank were taking turns holding his brother.  His new aggressive play style has lessened a bit and he is returning to the loving boy I knew two weeks ago.  He is still a BOY about to turn TWO on the 23rd, so I am trying to keep that in mind.  I DO still want him to grow up to be a strong, capable, confident leader, husband, and father.  So maybe I should stop telling him ALL the time that we use our hands for love...  My heart warms when I get to spend any alone time with him as that seems to really help in the rough times.  They are small times (I have no idea if or when we will introduce a bottle to Micah) a quick trip to get a haircut, the grocery store, or to pick up Billy from the groomers.  He has become quite the helpful little one and I can tell he actually cares for his little brother which is so exciting to watch!  Now if I can get him back to sleeping until 7:15 in the morning that would be nice...

I have had to learn to ask for help again, which I am not good at, nor do I like to do.  And by "learn" I mean I have done it a few times and still not every time I should have.  Nor do I do it in a nice way, or the right way, etc. 

I told a friend recently that I still maintain it was a bigger adjustment to have one child than to have two.  At least for me.  I am so much more relaxed with Micah than I was with Asher.  In fact, we are wishing the next three weekend weren't so busy as we could actually go out on a date with Micah.  He doesn't need anything besides a boob, a couple of diapers, and a burp cloth.  Plus he won't try to get out of a high chair or throw food on the floor.  He also won't tell me that "mommy no talk to daddy" in the middle of a conversation. :)

We are hoping to get more sleep.  Soon.  Very soon.  I know better, but still hope.  I wouldn't go back and change having Micah for anything.  I think ultimately learning that he has to share will benefit Asher and the joy of having a sibling to conjure up ideas to get in trouble will be awesome for both boys.  Until then I REALLY need to learn to take it a day, or hour, or 5 minutes at a time.  I have gotten them both out of the house together, I have endured to screaming boys at the same time, and they seem to discuss when the best time to both need something is going to occur.  But I do love these boys!!


  1. I have felt the same way both times... someone was watching and I didn't want to be the negative voice in their head with my honesty. It was great to see you 3 times (!!!) this week and I think you're doing swell. You look healthy and strong and the family looks none the worse for the wear after the adjustments in the last 2 weeks. You are a wonderful Mama and exactly how God designed you to be!

  2. Melissa, CONGRATS! I happened to be re-reading comments on the post I wrote shortly after our little one was born, and your comment made me realize that you must have had your baby!! Wanted to pop by and see how it's going.

    Sounds like you guys are doing an awesome job.
    Our toddler also started waking up during the night during the 1st few weeks...I was like...what the heck!? But then things got back to normal for him. I think it was just all the upheaval of not being with us for several days.

    Keep asking for/accepting help!!

    I hope you're able to get some rest very very soon.